1. Avoid talking about ex-girlfriends. She won’t want to hear about the Spring Break you two spent bonging beers together, how worthy your mom liked her cooking, or how all of your friends thought she was hot. And don’t even think about comparing her to your old flame. For example, “She had a pretty smile but yours is even prettier.” Yeah… that’s not a compliment- not even close. Oh, and negative comments about your ex are bad too. It’s kind of the same concept as the old-fashioned saying, “even poor publicity is still publicity.”
2. Avoid being a “creepster”. “Creepster” is the patented word my girl friends and I use for guys that possess stalker qualities. They are known for checking your phone, having bug eyes when you type in email/Facebook/MySpace passwords, using the W5H acronym as a basis for conversation starters, etc. If you feel the need to be a “creepster” than the girl you’re with is probably a “skank-ster,” and isn’t good for you anyway.
3. Avoid clichés. You don’t want to tell the girl of your dreams the same thing that every other guy she’s ever dated has. Be unusual. For example, instead of saying, “You have gorgeous eyes, ” say something like; “Your big chocolate brown eyes make you seem so inviting and easy to talk to.” Being specific is the key. You can choose cheesy one-liners and do them your own by adding specific details about her.
4. Avoid being lazy. If you haven’t seen you girlfriend all day, then get up off of the couch when she comes over. You should always greet her with a hug and/or kiss. If you stay seated when she walks in the door, you are showing her that you haven’t missed her at all or are inherently lazy. This rule also applies when she leaves. You should always walk her to her car, and properly say good-bye.
5. Avoid being oblivious. You need to take note of all major allergies, pet peeves, and dislikes of hers. For example, if she is allergic to horses, then don’t take her to see the farm animals at The State Dazzling. Your sweet gesture will be ruined because she’ll be sneezing too hard to thank you. Being aware of food tastes is also important. For example, showing up to her house with her favorite latte in hand is going to pick up you way more points, than showing up with your favorite.
6. Avoid being complicated. Don’t call her three times a day for five days and then not call her at all for two. That’s confusing, and just adds drama. Be consistent. Your relationship should have some sort of routine. For example, Thursday is guys night; Friday is your night with her; Saturday you visit the elderly, but text her while you’re there, etc.
7. Avoid being selfish. If there is snow on her car windshield, spot it. If she is 6,000 miles over her oil change expiration date, offer to take her car in for her. If she’s working late at the office, have a pizza delivered to her. No, this does not mean that you’re “whipped.” It means that you’re the best guys she’s ever dated and the envy of all of her friends.
8. Avoid being a seven-year old. When you are hanging out with your girlfriend, turn off all computer games and videogames. She will never fully appreciate that you are a level eighty Death Knight. Sorry. She will probably think that your skills are adorable and make you more of a man, but she won’t want to spend seven hours watching you slay things.
